Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (Timur Bekmambetov, 2012)

Night Watch director Bekmambetov gleefully mashes up American history with his comedy horror stock-in-trade in a Ronseal product designed primarily for bored teenage boys who you won't get to go to Spielberg's biopic. Lincoln does indeed moonlight as an axe-wielding vampire decapitator in between delivering speeches on the equality of all men, and that's just about it. The CGI effects are neat and Rufus Sewell makes a decent evil bastard, but the rest of the cast are squeaking runts in adults' clothing and having everyone do kung-fu yet again is just stultifyingly tedious. There is precious little point to any of it, but then the title never promised anything more either, so I suppose the director can't be sued.

3/10