Splice (Vincenzo Natali, 2009)

Natali's first, the 1997 Cube, may have been a B-movie with cardboard characters and clunky dialogue, but the concept was high enough to make it riveting regardless. Not so with Splice, which features the still-plummeting Adrien Brody and the replaceable Sarah Polley as two hotshot genetic researchers who aren't content with creating ridiculously phallic blobmonsters that provide a cure for everything from the common cold upwards and so move on to secretly concoct a human-something hybrid. The 'something' part is never specified, which conveniently allows the creature to sprout all manner of random freaky animal attributes, whilst basically remaining a telegenic bald woman with odd legs and a stinger tail.
It can only be taken as the director taking the money and running off on a spree of FX, since it doesn't satisfy any other purpose: the science is laughable but not satirical, the relationship dilemmas between the couple paper-thin, and even the thriller/horror element falls flat on its face when called on.

3/10