The Lone Ranger (Gore Verbinski, 2013)

With a character upstanding and all-American enough to evoke nostalgia Stateside while being utterly family-friendly and the Verbinski-Depp partnership to the fore again, Disney must have been convinced they were onto a winner on the scale of Pirates of the Caribbean. But the character is the primary problem: he has the personality of Superman without the powers, and the trappings of Zorro without the dash or licence to kill. The makers obviously realised this at the outset and gave Depp's Tonto a far larger part to play. Predictably, he's a hoot as part stone-faced shaman, part pontificating clown, and of course completely eclipses Armie Hammer's bland nominal hero. The end result is a lot like Wild Wild West with better quality control, which just means that you won't find it as painful to sit through with your kids, who are its only feasible audience despite the occasional confused strayings into adult themes.

4/10