The Tourist is quite possibly the worst A-list carrier of its year, even allowing for whatever Adam Sandler or Martin Lawrence was involved in at the time: it sucks in the capable Depp, Bettany and Dalton and at least occasionally arresting Jolie and the end product is just another turd floating disconsolately down a picture-postcard Venetian canal. There's no chemistry between Depp and Jolie in the implausible romance between her furiously pouting femme fatale and his bumbling sightseer caught up in multiply reheated escapades involving a host of stereotypes not only offensive to fans of the thriller or caper genres but virtually any nationality touched upon as well. There's a painfully raffish soundtrack which only serves to accentuate the impression that Von Donnersmarck thought he was not only being funny but dashing too, as if he were making another The Thomas Crown Affair. Multitudes of male extras are chucked in just to gawp lasciviously at the androidal Jolie in yet another designer gown.
Imagine if the Cinzano adverts of the '80s with Leonard Rossiter and Joan Collins had been stretched out to cover a Bond film template? Yes, that excruciating.
3/10
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