Stallone, Statham, Li, Lundgren, Rourke, Roberts, Schwarzenegger, Willis. And a few more apparently famous meatheads from MMA/WWF. It's almost the full set. One wonders what Norris, Van Damme, Russell and Seagal did wrong to be left out of a last big payday-come-love-in for the now creaky-jointed and gaffer-taped action hams of the '80s and '90s (ostensibly, this seems like a passing on of the baton to Statham and Li, but they're getting long in the tooth too). If it was out of meanness, it seems particularly churlish, as they've proven at least as much as any of the ones present that they belong in a sandbox of smashing things and walking stone-faced away from giant explosions, with all that noise clearly putting Stallone into such a daze that he forgot to get a scriptwriter. Oh, crack mercenaries, South American dictator. Ok, that'll do.
It could have actually been fun, maybe if it had been as OTT as
Crank or
Predator. As it was, I swiftly realised that if you just put all dozen or so into a ring and had them kick seven shades of shit out of each other for 2 hours it would have made for a vastly more gratifying piece of entertainment.
3/10
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