Pandorum (Christian Alvart, 2009)

You know the drill: two astronauts wake up from suspended animation on one of those Nostromo-clone ships where the lighting's atrocious and all the plumbing is open to view. You wouldn't catch me going within a mile of these sub-like mazes: they're always haunted houses, falling to bits and full of monsters. And so it goes. There's lots of blood, rust and muck, survivalist nutters and superfast zombies, in the course of the usual messed-up giant spaceship mission where you have to manually reactivate some gubbins rather far away because the systems are down. It's an equal opportunities robber, at least, chucking Alien, Event Horizon, 28 Days Later, The Descent and countless others into the blender until reduced to an indeterminate mulch, with no shame at all. No wonder, then, that it's hard to care about any of it, and surprisingly easy to doze off inadvertently despite all the screaming.

3/10